Top Five Ways to Ruin A Friendship for 90 Minutes: Real Monarchs Edition

(Home Team Hijinks Presented by Seek & Strike Collective)

By Christopher Walker | April 13, 2019 | seekandstrikecollective@gmail.com

Player Nicknames

Let’s give the Real Monarchs a warm welcome to the State of New Mexico. There’s no better way to break the ice with the Monarchs than to give some of their standout players nicknames. It shows we care. However, I don’t want you to sit there the entire night trying to think up some clever names to start firing out onto the pitch. I have started a small list for you. These are also good for a repetitive chant (see list item #2). If you feel inclined to add a twist or extend the list, please go right ahead. Let’s keep it clean and fun.

• #24 David Ochoa (Goalkeeper): Choke-Oh-A
• #10 Joao Plata (Forward): Flauta
• #44 Maikel Chang (Midfielder): P-F-Chang
• #53 Noah Powder (Defender): Chowder

Running Interference

New Mexico United fans show up. No one does it better than New Mexico. We have to unite together and be the loudest stadium for Real Monarchs to play in. The Curse has the chants and we should all join in when their Capo David Carl initiates them or start one up if you feel led. There’s a link to their chants HERE. One surefire chant is “Somos Unidos” but, if all else fails start up the classic “olay olay” chant.

Be Awkward

It’s not always what you say but, how you say it. It’s time to get awkward. This might be one of my favorites. The reason is because we can all think of a time that we’ve wanted to give a personal shout out to a player on the pitch. If you’ve ever received a call out from a long distance, you know that it sounds awkward as all get out when it comes in. So, I’ll give you a couple plain sayings to toss out.

• Hello David, Thanks for joining us tonight
• Hey Goalie! (Be obnoxious)
• Nutmeg! Nutmeg (works wonders when we’re on the attack

Catch Phrases: #57 Forward Kyle Coffee

Some of you are long-winded when you heckle. There’s nothing wrong with it. I just want to suggest that you make it memorable. We are here, as fans, to laugh with you. I scanned the roster of Real Monarchs and I think Forward Kyle Coffee is a good choice. So, I spent a few moments coming up with a few phrases. He was just selected in the 2019 MLS SuperDraft by Real Salt Lake and scanning his twitter on @CoffDogg, he seems legit.

Here we go, mix it up and have some fun!

• Hey Coffee, way too much cream (when he does anything wrong)
• If this is Coffee, please bring me tea (when he does anything right)
• When life gives you Coffee, trade it for lemons (if you just want to rub it in)

Yellow Card Count

When the visiting team gets a yellow card, some of you may hear four people in Section 121 (diming myself out) chanting “Sitel Yellow Card! Sitel Yellow Card!” Join in. But really, I want to bring it to your attention about Real Monarchs Yellow Card Count. We’re not the only ones with a high count or players close to 5. (Fact: A player gets a one match ban/suspension if they receive 5 yellow cards in domestic competitions.) Real Monarchs get chippy. Maybe we can help them out a little and have some fun doing it.

• #42 Douglas Martinez, 4 (has gone 1 in each of the last 4 games)
• #48 Jack Blake, 3

We do hope for a good match between Real Monarchs and our New Mexico United. For 90 minutes, Real is our frenemy and we need to make these 90 minutes count. Afterwards, we’re all soccer fans and we can raise a glass together.

Christopher Walker is a beat reporter for the Seek and Strike Collective covering the beat on New Mexico United and Albuquerque Sol soccer. Follow him on Twitter@_ChrisWalker505

Cheers! Or as we say here in New Mexico “Somos Unidos!”